How I got my life together in my 20’s
Last year, I finished my university degree, and I remember the last exam like it was yesterday. I walked out of the examination room, and it was bright and warm outside.
But the only thought I can recall was, "That's it?" 4 years of hard work just for a ridiculously tall piece of paper with my name on it—a paper I could easily photoshop.
I felt like I’d been lied to. I was so confused and stuck in my own head that I even lost my way home.
At that moment, I realized I had been following the wrong path. I was chasing society’s 'typical' path, and that's why my life felt so empty.
All these things—the 9-to-5 job that came with the degree, the Friday night outings, the car...
These weren’t things I wanted. They were things people told me I should want.
More than that, I was subconsciously trying to escape my reality through unhealthy behaviours as a result of that unwanted reality.
And that’s when I rejected all this stuff and decided that I was going to decide my life’s trajectory.
Over the next year, I completely reinvented my life on my own terms. I built a healthy lifestyle, became disciplined, transformed my physique, and became self-employed.
The reason I’m sharing this is because I believe there are a lot of young men my age who feel the same way, yet not many are talking about it.
So here are the 5 main steps I took to take full ownership over my life.
Stop being an addict, (whatever it means for you…)
By nature, humans hate being unbalanced. We’re always trying to maintain equilibrium.
That’s why, when your brain experiences pain or discomfort, it seeks pleasure to rebalance your life experience.
The problem is, when seeking pleasure becomes your go-to response to everyday pain, it turns into an escape—and that’s what happens for most people.
They engage in everyday behaviours that they think are pleasurable, but in reality, it’s just their brain trying to escape discomfort. They’re coping, not enjoying.
Everyone has their own addictions—some just happen to be more socially accepted than others. Your brain’s reward system was primarily designed for food, which is why, in today’s chaotic world, almost 70% of adults are overweight or obese.
It doesn’t matter whether it’s scrolling, eating, watching, playing, working—whatever the behavior, your mission is to become aware of the unhealthy habit and replace it with a healthier alternative.
How do you know if it’s a bad habit and the one you should start addressing? Simple:
It’s something that’s supposed to make you feel better but leaves you feeling worse after you engage in it.
No one has ever felt better about themselves after spending 3 hours on Instagram comparing themselves to perfect bodies, especially if they’re already self-conscious.
The things you seek when you feel low are usually the things that end up making you feel miserable, not better.
Even if it helps in the moment, as soon as you stop, you feel worse than you did before.
More than that, if every time you’re bored, you choose to snack, for example, that habit will become your default choice when boredom strikes again.
You’re conditioning your brain—you’re linking an emotion to an automatic behavior. Once it becomes a habit, it’s very difficult to break.
So, if you want to get on the right track, you have to stop being an addict, whatever that means for you stop acting compulsively.
You have to reclaim control over the unhealthy habits and behaviors that are keeping you from being your best self.
Prioritize your physical health over everything
All my life I’ve heard people say “my 20’s were the best years of my life” and I always wondered, “Okay, but then what happened?, does this mean that the rest of your life was not that great?”
Then they get into an unfulfilling marriage, lock themselves into a demanding job, and put on weight.
It’s a gloomy reality, but it’s one I’ve seen time and time again.
That’s when I realized I don’t agree with them. I think it works the other way around. You’re supposed to build your foundation in your twenties, when you have the most energy, time, and ambition.
And the starting point for all of that is your health. You have to build your body and give it everything it needs to improve your quality of life and longevity in the long run. That includes a great nutrition, proper sleep and most importantly, exercise
The single best thing you can do to set yourself up for success is to exercise.
Now I’m always going to be advocating for resistance training and going to the gym because for me, this is what works best.
[And if you’re ready to take this path and reinvent yourself in 5 weeks, check out the link to Fitness Autonomy]
During your 20’s if not earlier, you need to develop these habits and skills if you want to become the best version of yourself, this is the foundation of your health.
The problem is, most people treat their 20s like a free pass—they party, overindulge, engage in unhealthy habits, and use the excuse of "living life."
In my opinion, you’re not living life poisoning your body every 2 days and being underslept for a decade just to go and see people on a stage jump up and down.
your 20s are for exploring, experimenting, questioning, and getting to know yourself—but all of that can be done while building a solid health foundation.
You’ll never regret investing in your health. It will pay off in ways you can’t even imagine right now. Plus, you’ll get jacked meanwhile 99% of the people around you are putting on weight.
Tell Nothing but the truth
I spent years going to parties I didn’t really enjoy, simply because it was expected and because I didn’t want to offend anyone.
The problem was, in doing so, I was lying to myself**.** It felt like I was forcing myself to go because of social expectations and the fear of missing out.
This is a dangerous game because it boils down to self-deception.
Most people seriously underestimate the danger of lying to themselves. What you need to know is that your brain encodes everything—you can’t hide from your own brain.
If you lie to yourself, your brain will record it, and if you do it enough, it will start to normalize it.
Once lying to yourself becomes normal, your brain won’t even need to tell you when it happens. There comes a point when you lie to yourself subconsciously, and that’s when you lose control over it.
You no longer know what your truth is, and at that point, it affects your identity. You need to establish trust with yourself.
And this starts with the simplest things. I still catch myself telling little lies to embellish a story—like shaving off some time it took to do something or inflating the price of something to make it seem more valuable.
When that happens—and it will—you need to catch it, say, "No, actually this isn’t true" and correct your statement. Just to teach your own brain that it can’t do that.
This applies not only to the conversations you’re having with yourself but also to the conversations you need to have with others.
Relationships are often damaged by the conversations that were never had but should have been.
Telling the truth is the only long-term strategy that works. If you delay the truth, you’re just building a false reality based on lies that will eventually collapse.
Make telling the truth your default way of speaking, and you’ll avoid 99% of the drama most people deal with.
Learn even more after graduation
Before your twenties, all you do is learn. As a kid, you spend most of your time in school or asking questions to your parents.
You’re trying to understand the world around you, building internal models and representations to help you navigate your environment.
But then, usually after you graduate from college, everything changes—you stop learning.
That being said, your entire system is designed for adaptation, and adaptation is based on learning.
In nature, when you stop learning, you become easy prey. The thing is, in the comfort of modern society, you don’t have to keep learning. You can live your whole life in the same environment, doing the same job, and eating the same breakfast.
Learning has become a choice, and you need to make that choice every single day. In your twenties, you have to build skills and make yourself valuable.
Here’s the challenge: Your brain was designed for survival, not for living comfortably in a condo. To continue learning, you’ll have to adopt a learning mindset.
Your brain is naturally lazy and doesn’t like to do hard work, but it will rise to the challenge if it has to.
So, your goal is to put yourself in situations where learning is required. You need to cultivate a growth mindset and focus on improving your skills and knowledge.
For me, a huge step in my journey was moving to Canada when I was 17. I had to learn a new culture, a new language, and how to interact with people.
All of these became skills I now use in my day-to-day life—they increase my value in the workplace, help me navigate the world, and improve my relationships.
You have to shake the belief that learning is just for school. Thanks to the internet, you can become anything you want and learn anything you want—yet very few people keep learning after they finish school.
So, learn even more after graduation. Build on what you like, explore your interests, and do it in a structured way.
Make time for learning. Block out time for it and make it a priority. Learning is what gets you into the game and keeps you in the game.
And I feel like when you’re in your twenties with everything to prove, learning is your biggest weapon.
Keep calm during the storm
Most problems in life come from the struggle of emotional self-regulation, especially when you’re a young adult.
An emotional trigger leads to an emotional reaction, and you act impulsively—only to realize later that it was a mistake and you weren’t fully in control.
It’s like when you argue with your partner, and instead of calming down, you get more heated and say something you shouldn’t have.
Or when you’re stressed from school or work, and instead of relaxing when you get home, you indulge in cinnamon rolls for that sugar high that calms you down.
Or when you’re so anxious about a job interview or presentation that you can’t sleep, and you can’t shake the negative scenarios playing on loop in your mind.
Whatever it is for you, struggling to regulate emotional responses is part of being human.
It’s a skill, and if you’re willing to work on it consistently, you can make significant progress in how you respond to emotional or triggering situations over time.
I’d say anger, stress, and anxiety are the ones to focus on first. As a young adult, these can quickly derail your progress, success, and overall path in life.
This process boils down to self-regulation—your ability to understand and manage your emotional reactions based on your environment.
You can practice this in close relationships by being open to understanding the dynamics and recognizing what’s happening in the moment. You need to become aware of the triggers that put you in a negative state of mind and notice them as they occur.
The most effective way to improve this skill is by keeping a journal. At the end of each day, take 10 minutes to sit at your desk with nothing but your journal and describe, in detail:
What happened during the day? How did you feel? What was your reaction?
Treat it like data. Be objective. You’re not here to judge yourself—you’re here to understand.
This is what will allow you to stay calm during the strongest storms.
As always, I hope this helps. Trust the process.